the layout of my last post was horrible, oh god. it wasn't very well written either, i blame my tiredness. that was also the reason why i didn't edit the layout to look better. i also blame the new, unclear blogger interface! i think i might have sussed how to get it to work the way i want it to, i guess i have to wait and see.

i wanted to post about my dreams i just had before waking up a few hours ago. they were actually pretty disturbing and i'm really kind of worried thinking about them.

the first 'dream' started out kind of cute. i was part of the tenenbaum family, i think i was probably eli cash, since i don't understand how all of a sudden i was considered a member of their family, i was fully aware who my real family were. i had sequins on my face, and i was wearing one of those feathered red-indian head bands, that probably suggests i was high on mescaline. the shite part about the start of this dream was the tenenbaums actually lived in wallsend rather than new york. for some reason i was in the methodist church near where i live, and i was told that richie had killed himself (it was basically his suicide attempt like he has in the film, except this time he died), and margot found out and did the same. i think she cut her wrists too, i don't really remember due to being awake for so long now. it was disgusting, because i sat next to her lying dead on the floor just looking at her. 

i do recall it happening in this order, but bizarrely, royal died of a heart attack, and the next thing i know, whole family (including myself, richie and margot) are standing around his coffin.
after that part of the dream, i was back to sitting next to dead margot. henry and etheline run into the room and tell me chas died in a plane crash with his wife (who actually died that way in the film, uh)

i recall saying after that "i always wanted to be a tenenbaum" which was really stupid, omg.

i think the next dream was probably worse, and it's one of those ones that i'm face palming myself over now. i was forensic investigator person, and i ended up at a serial killers house. he kidnapped a 11 year old emo kid, tortured her and killed her. but i was the first person to discover it and it was disgusting, omg. how the fuck did i dream this up?

i read over my dream interpretation book this morning because i don't have dreams like this very often. i know i have 'weird dreams' quite a lot, but having dreams that i don't enjoy is something that doesn't happen a lot. i assumed it would mean something horrible is going to happen to me. one of the interpretations of death says i have probably become aware of intellectual opportunities that i've missed, and i should try not to miss them again. this definition also suggests that i'll mature as i do this. i can't work out how this relates to death, but i feel it is appropriate. for example, in the summer i was looking into a different uni course, and i missed the chance. i've been looking into similar courses at a higher level for me to do after i complete my current course.  
the murderer in my dream suggests i'm in denial about something, or i have feelings for someone that can only safely be expressed in dreams. i thought that one was kind of cute, but the next part of the definition suggests that my life is out of balance and the circumstances are destroying me. it kind of sounds really, um, dramatic..
the definition of the aeroplane says that i'm searching for freedom independently. it doesn't say anything about a plane crash, so i'm assuming it means that something is in the way of the freedom, which i think is the case. again, i think it's to do with my next academic year. basically, i was trying to be more independent, or i thought about it, but when i tried, i had my mind changed because of an obstacle (money, of course).

i'd go through all the other definitions of little things, but they're all basically related to things i've already mentioned. i felt like i learnt something from this. maybe having a scary dream once in a while isn't so bad, it allows you to open up your thoughts. dreams normally do that for me, but this has been a different experience.